Recently it had been on my heart to send BM (baby mama) an email apologizing if I ever offended her. By no means am I trying to be her friend but I do think it is important that we are cordial. At the moment if I see her (which is rare) she won’t speak. There are several reasons I apologized: 1) I see her son struggling and I felt it was important for her and my fiancé to be on the same page, 2) her son and my son are brothers. My stepson has already asked if his brother can spend the night at his mom’s house. Now the way things stand currently that would never happen. If things were different I wouldn’t have a problem with it, 3) it’s just the right thing to do, 4) somebody has to be the bigger person.
Now I sent the letter without telling my fiancé and he still doesn’t know. She has yet to respond. I’m sure she won’t respond but she did pick Deuce up from our home and actually rang the doorbell. I have no expectations but I believe things have to change because their child is suffering.
So here is a copy of the letter *names have been changed*:
First I would like to apologize if I have offended or hurt you in anyway
over the past 1.5 years. That was never my intention. There have been
things done and said on both our parts but I want to attempt to rectify
that by apologizing. I would like the three of us to be cordial, you to
feel comfortable picking your son up from our home, meeting me etc.
Second, I hope and pray that you and Senior can begin to co-parent and
communicate better. At the end of the day my relationship with you will not
matter but the one you have with his dad will. I know you and Senior both
have hurts and disappointments that may or may not have anything to do with me. I just hope over time it gets better.
At the end of the day I really want what is best for Deuce.
As I have always mentioned in the past. My door, phone, and email are
always open to discussion as it pertains to your child.
I attached two pics of Deuce we took these last year in October. I thought
these shots were great!
What do you think? How do you get along with your mates ex? How does your mate get along with your ex??
I use to have a blog when I was single. I really enjoyed writing and researching for that blog. Fast forward 2 years later and the blogging world has changed. I mean most of the blogs are about reviews, giveaways, gaining followers, etc. There was a time that I would stay up late to read my blog list. Now I just delete most without even reading the subject. Blogs I use to love I no longer can stand to read. I remember I use to literally LOL at some blogs. Not now I just give a major eye roll.
Then I read this blog post about blogging and it made me really think and rethink the blogs I follow and what I want this blog to be about.
There is no need for to me to elaborate. Just read Lashawn’s blog and she just about sums up my thoughts on the blogging world.
P.S. I typed this last night I just checked my feedly and more than half of the post consist of reviews and CUMBERSOME giveaways. I just deleted the blogs I follow. If you know of any blogs that have substance put the link in the comment section!
This year for the holidays I would really like to focus on experiences. I personally believe people will benefit more from experiences than they will a material object.
With that said here are a list of EXPERIENCES that will be great for your family, spouse or yourself:
Family vacation- many time people decide to take their annual vacation in the summer. Well I think it would be awesome to take your family on a vacation during the holiday season. Warm climate, beach, sun in the fun. Or take a ski vacation.
Short weekend with your mate-During the year many of us neglect our mate. Get a groupon for a nice B&B and surprise your mate. He or she will be happy and this may be better a purse, outfit, etc.
The gift of alone time-Yep men and women need time alone. Being a parent, employee, spouse is grueling. Everyone needs to recharge their battery. There are two options here: 1) Send you mate to a hotel for a couple of nights. Plan a nice weekend of things they enjoy doing. 2) Leave your mate at home while you and the rest of the family visit friends and family. Either way it goes your mate will be pleasantly surprised.
Surprise them with something they wanted to do but never got around to doing it- Example cooking lessons, golf lessons, sewing lessons, etc.
Staycation- Explore your current city with your family. There are tons of activities this time of year. Some are free and others are next to nothing. This is a great way to get into the holiday spirit.
That is a short list of gift ideas for Christmas!
What do you plan to do for the holiday season. Will you purchase material gifts or consider an experience? Whatever you decide I hope you and your family have a nice holiday!
There is that saying that people come into your life for a reason, season and a lifetime…
The biggest problem with that statement is, what happens when a person who you thought would be around for a lifetime ends up being a season or a reason? I am currently in this situation. It has taken me over a year to realize someone who once meant the world to me is on the back row of my life. After a disappointing year I have accepted the fact that she and I are not on the same page. We are in different places in every aspect of our lives. Although I love her dearly it is time for me to move on. This person has hurt me to the core, talked about my mate and I can count on one hand how many times she has inquired about my child. I can call her and she won’t answer. She may or may not respond with a text. Last year I addressed her behavior and really nothing has changed. So the only thing I can do is wash my hands, pray and keep it moving.
I am not closing the door to that friendship. I am merely removing her from the front row of my life to the back row of my life. I wish her nothing but the best!
This semester of nursing school has been really tough. I just can’t keep up,the material is hard and the test are harder. Add motherhood and traveling in the mix and I am drowning. So I decided to drop a class (which prolongs my graduating by 6 months). I was sad about it at first but then I looked at the bright side. I can get a PRN (as needed) job, have a lighter load and hopefully start to enjoy life again (at least a little).
The next decision I faced was what to do with Miles. He and I both adore the daycare he attends when he is at school with me. However he recently became sick and I was faced with racism (small country town in south GA-I will blog about it later) which made me realize that this may not be the place for him. He is also getting older which means he needs to be in one place and on a routine. All the back and forth for HIM needs to stop. Also when he is with me I can’t get anything done after 5 pm which is probably why I wasn’t doing so good in my classes. With all that said he will be in TN with his dad most of the time and I will travel to spend time with my family. It sucks for me but is great for Miles and the rest of the family. I will leave for school every Wednesday morning and return to TN every Thursday night. Sometimes I may stay at school longer if I have a test coming up.
For now our plan seems to make sense. Let’s see how it goes once it is implemented.
Thanks for being patient with my lack of positing! I hope to start back real soon.
Well the man and I have decided to have a destination wedding next year. We are going to Mexico with our closest friends and family. I hoping to keep it to under 30 people. That way the wedding and reception is free. I’ve designed my own save the dates with help from my friend Kita!
I am so glad we choose this option. The resort is doing everything. If I want I can add decor (I didn’t like any of their options). I can also add extra items but I think the only thing I would like is a photographer. I will decide on any extras once it’s closer to the date.
Well on August 21st I started my last year of nursing school. I experienced anxiety to the point I wanted to withdraw. I believe I am anxious because I am just tired of school, traveling, not being settled, and finances (lack their of).
When I started this program I really liked the teachers and thought it was an excellent program. Fast forward two years later and I HATE this place. Most of the teachers are still nice and want you to succeed but how the department is ran is becoming questionable. They have resorted to treating us like children. Assigned seats, monitoring when we leave the class, being told to get off our laptops etc. I thought this was an adult learning environment… I keep telling myself 9 more months!!
Then there is trying to find time to study with the baby. He is currently 6 months old and BUSY…. He started crawling at 5 months, pulling up and standing at 6 months. I don’t get anything done when I have him when he goes to sleep I am often too tired to study. He is currently with his dad for two weeks so I can catch up. I have been so behind on my studying and that is very stressful. All I can think about it what I need to do.
My first round of tests this semester was HORRIBLE. I didn’t pass one and the other I barely passed. I have no clue why I didn’t pass the first test. I studied, did 3 NCLEX book, ATI questions, googled practice questions…. I am just praying I can get my grade up with this next test. If not I Am screwed.
So my post will be infrequent until I can get in a groove!
My fiance has pretty much had an unofficial 50/50 split with his BM (baby mama) but last year things got really ugly. She wanted him to see his son every other weekend and once during the week for dinner. He of course declined that offer and decided to go to court. Well after almost a year of mediation and court he got what he wanted. One week on and one week off, two phone calls during the week and no child support was ordered. Well actually she owed him child support but the judge felt like the amount was so insignificant until she said no one gets child support. BM remains the primary residential parent.
Deuce (his son) normally transitions really well. We have to remind him to do small things like clean the table, sweep his area, clean his sink etc. He normally doesn’t want to go home when it is time to go to her house. Today when I picked him up he was crying because his dad wasn’t with me. I was wishing his dad was there because I can’t deal with all that crying and whining.
This schedule has made things easier in some areas and difficult in other areas.
When you are a stepparent you are bound to upset or offend somebody. The person hurt could be your mate, the other biological parent, the stepchild and even your biological children.
Often times the biological parents have such a bad history that no matter what the stepparent does it is wrong.
In my situation my fiancé wants me to be very hands on and treat his son like my child. I would assume his mother would like me to treat him like my child also. Actually she would probably want to minimize my contact with her son.
Me treating him like my own is damn near impossible. Hell they can’t get on the same page which means she and I aren’t on the same page. Although I love my stepson I have to admit I don’t feel like I can treat him like my own. The biggest area is discipline. My fiancé has given me permission to spank him but the mom doesn’t like it. In over two years I’ve only popped him on his leg three times and it was the last resort. Although if he was mine I would spank and ask questions later. Another area we have an issue is school participation she doesn’t want me involved and of course he does. I can go on and on but you get the hint.
So in this situation who do I make happy! If I make my man happy it will piss her off and their relationship will suffer. At the end of the day the two biological parents relationship need to be pleasant. If I make her happy my man will feel like I don’t care about his child. If I am involved I’m overstepping my boundaries but if I’m not involved I don’t care. That is just the parents. What about the children? If I don’t discipline my stepchild how will my children feel? Will my stepson notice the differences and feel some kind of way?
So in order to keep peace and for my sanity I’ve basically decided to bow out. I will be support to my fiancé and hope my backing off will help their relationship. I’m hoping when I explain this him he will understand. I’m sure that will make her happy. Her happiness could possibly mean less stress for him.
Unfortunately I have heard too many stepmothers say they don’t get involved period. They worry about their children and keep it moving. I feel like that is sad but more and more everyday I understand why they feel like that. It just makes things easier.